....

Currently Listening Riot! By Paramore crushcrushcrush see related

to the one who got away

                so recently i have been thinking of this boy..... not just any boy he was my last boyfriend... i find myself thinking about him alot... and i dont know why its almost a year since i seen him last we emailed each other a couple of times on myspace a few monthes back.. but i miss him very much... i really liked him and i still do.. i wouldn't say that i love him because i really dont know what love is.. im 19 and i don't the first thing about love... but my friends have said that your in love when you are willing to do any thing for that person and just the meer thought of that person makes you happy, that when you see or sometimes eve think about that person you get "butterflies" in you stomach and you feel nause(?), but its a good feeling.... and the thought of him makes me feel all those things and i wish that we were still togather... i dont know what would have happened if we stayed togather but i would have liked to find out... and i really hate the way things ended. we never "offically" broke up the last time i say him was the last day of school in may last year. i was told after his dad got custody of him he wouldn't let him go any where... so it was like he was under house arrest... but then his sister got costody of him , and my friend told me he was wanting to see me, but at that i time i was going through alot of things like fighting with my family, my mom kicking me, among other things, and i told her that i did want ot see him its just that i didnt want to bring him into all that. i was an emotional reck and i was afraid for him and didn't want to put him through that, but she went and told him that i didnt want to ever see or talk to him again, wwhen he told me that she had said that (months later) i was hurt that my friend would do that to me.... everyday i think of him, and i wonder if he misses me as much as i do him. or if he just glad to have gotten ride of me. everyday i wonder, everday.... if i could just talk to him once and find out how he feels i think it would help me let go or get something i really want..... but i know thats never going to happen, because thats just the way that my life rolls.... but i guess im ok with it...  ok at least ill have to be.... ..

.::.Alisha.::.

oh if only life could get any more awful...

is there something wrong with me??

am i ugly??

am i fat??

why can't i get a boyfriend...

i can't even get a look...

why??

"No jkjkjk lololol
I heart your fucking makeup
Oh my god I love your hair
Is that a new tattoo?
Did that piercing fucking hurt?
No jkjkjk lololol"

Currently Listening Lies for the Liars By The Used smoother me see related

boys

why??  why  does it have to be so cimplicate.... i thought this one guy liked me but i haven't seen him in a long time cause he no longer works with me.... but i have been told that this other "kid" likes me but im not quite sure if i like him..

and recenty i have been thinking about an ex.. and i wonder if i want him back.. i think i do .. and even if i did like him still i doubt he would have me back... b/c my friend said i hurt him even though i didn't mean too i think that my friend didnt want me with him any ways... b/c of some things.. but i really don't know..

i did meet this one guy... at work... but i dont work with him.. he is nice ...from what i gather from the two times i have spoken with him.. im trying to work up the nerve to ask him out on a date...  im afraid that he'll say no... im terrified of rejection....

oh i hope everything works out....

Currently Listening Blackout By Britney Spears Gimme More see related

the new one